i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
