after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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