Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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