so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
