i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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