Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
