I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
