What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
