The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
