I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
