I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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