so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
