Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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