did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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