My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
