IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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