dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
