Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize