I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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