Soap is not a condiment
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Come see our sink grown plant.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
