dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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