you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
They took my balls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
