She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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