woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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