R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
