so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
