im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
