Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
