Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
