once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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