hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
