just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
