Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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