I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize