I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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