dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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