I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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