how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
