I think im going to throw up on grandma
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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