I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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