i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
