There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
