i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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