WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
