fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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