He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
