I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize