like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
