I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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