I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
