i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize