So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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