i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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