I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
