no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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