omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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