He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
