So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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