My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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