you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
