I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
