Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
zippers are such a cool invention
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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