Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
