It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
